Thứ Năm, 27 tháng 3, 2008

Let it snow

It has been a while since the last post. Today, it starts snowing again. I don't know but when I stepped out of the door, I had a feeling that if I didn't enjoy it, I would never have a chance to see it again.

These days are kind of boring!! (yeah! it must be my fault and I tried but I don't know how to do better). I'm now understanding the feeling of one girl in my junior class in Viet Nam. She said she wasn't a part of the class. At this time, I don't know why she said that. I thought I had the most wonderful class I 've ever had. Although we tend to play by groups (probably most Asian high school kids do that), everyone seem really happy in their groups. And we had some projects, like history, english or play that we need to perform together. It was a like small competitions that we could see the abilities of other groups, and I really enjoyed working in my group and with two best friends that were so wonderful to me. Even though the relationship between some groups seem ... :( , it seems that everybody were fine in their spots. I was extremely pleased with what I had ... and I didn't care about some people. My world was my group (of course, I talked to other people in other groups as well ... but I didn't care much about them because I knew that they were doing fine). So when this girl told me that she never felt she was a part of the class, I couldn't understand what she meant.

... And now I'm kind of understanding about that because I am experiencing the feeling. I know it is still hard for me here due to the language and other stuffs. Sometimes, I don't know how to start a conversation ... or start a relationship ... or maintain a relationship ... Sometimes, I don't know what to do with myself and I feel really lonely because when I try, I don't receive the same things back. Everybody knows that you are there, but not many people care to say something ... There are tons of things that I don't want to say because when people hear that, they will question as I used to question my friend:" Why does she have a thinking like that? We are living happily."

... If she were here now, I would beg her to forgive me. I wish I hadn't acted in this way to her. Yes, I were living happily but she wasn't. I were happy in my own world but she didn't have anybody who really pay attention to her and wanted to talk to her ... We knew that she was in our class, but we just didn't think much about her, about her feeling. I know that I did the same thing to not only her but other friends also.

... God has been teaching me so many things since the time I came here. I faced with some problematic troubles, and experienced more feelings that I would never know when I was in VN. Actually, I'm fine ... Just sometimes, my heart feel cold. I hope my friend will have real good friends in the future because she deserves it.


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